Years ago, after fleeing an emotionally abusive relationship, my child bravely disclosed some shocking and devastating information to me: she’d been sexually assaulted by that abuser. The next few years were a learning experience regarding the unfortunate dynamics surrounding child sexual abuse. Through counseling, we learned about the grooming process that abusers use to manipulate their victims, as well as other adults in the child’s life in order to perpetrate their crimes and keep victims from telling. The reality that about 1 in 6 people will be sexually assaulted before turning 18, that 90% of the perpetrators are known and trusted by or within the family and that those numbers are the same in every socio-economic level was shocking. The fact that most of society isn’t aware of those statistics is very troubling.
One of the worst aspects of our ordeal was the re-victimization we experienced. The abuser had supporters who accused my child of lying and treated him like the victim. Some threatened me, others shunned and slandered us even after his confession. Several dug into my past attempting to ferret out anything to attack my character and deflect from the abuser’s actions. Re-victimization is a terrible yet common consequence of reporting sexual crimes and it drove me to become an educator and advocate, speaking out about emotional and sexual abuse and sharing the facts and statistics of which society is painfully unaware. My work in sexual assault prevention earned me the title of “Citizen of the Year” from the Missoula Family Violence Council back in 2012.
My belief that the re-victimization of my daughter was years in the past was proven wrong by a local political campaign. After writing a letter to the editor regarding the fitness of a local candidate for office, he filed a defamation lawsuit against her. While I’ve yet to find an attorney or political candidate who doesn’t find his choice to sue her outrageous, that is neither here nor there and will be resolved in court.
The fact that this candidate chose to state that my child was a victim of child sexual abuse in an effort to discredit her confirmed that re-victimization doesn’t ever end. He used what happened to her as “evidence” to suggest that she’s not credible, and characterized her childhood as underprivileged and unstable, despite the fact that she has many supportive, loving adults in her life and always has. Especially perplexing is the fact that her past abuse has no relevance whatsoever to whether or not she had a right to share her negative experiences in a Letter to the Editor. Harping on it only serves the purpose of causing pain and shame.
Domestic crimes are an epidemic in society. Imagine someone whose moral compass and conscience allowed him to send out a mass mailing naming and slandering a single mother who was the victim of a vicious, violent attack by a serial offender presiding over such cases in court. That’s a frightening thought. Fortunately, the judge who presided over my child’s case had a clear understanding of the complexities of these crimes and zero tolerance for victim-blaming. He didn’t subscribe to antiquated stereotypes of abuse survivors, nor should anybody aspiring to serve the public.
This politician made recent choices about what he deems an appropriate regard for victims of abuse and assault. Those choices have inspired me to renew my commitment to educating people about child sexual abuse and advocating for victims. It’s absolutely unacceptable for victims to spend their lives worrying about having past trauma used against them at the whim of a mean-spirited political campaign.
Stacy Coulter
Hamilton
Susan Latimer says
Thank you for your courage!