Ambulance at the bottom of the cliff

by Bob Spitzer, Stevensville

I heard about a little town built near a cliff. It was a pleasant place, except people occasionally wandered too close to the edge and fell off. Children were especially at risk.

The townspeople came up with a radical idea: build a fence.

It wasn’t complicated. It didn’t need computers or consultants. It simply had to stand between the people and the cliff.

But the town needed money, so it applied for a government grant. That’s when the fence became complicated.

The government ordered a study to determine whether falling off a cliff was actually dangerous. Then came a survey, an environmental review, and probably a committee to decide whether the word “cliff” unfairly stereotyped steep terrain.

Eventually, three federal employees arrived to present their findings. You can usually tell how seriously the government considers a problem by how many people it sends to explain why it can’t solve it.

After months of research, the experts concluded that a fence would not be practical. Instead, they recommended stationing an ambulance at the bottom of the cliff, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They also proposed building a hospital nearby to treat everyone after they fell.

Now, that’s government efficiency. Why spend a little preventing an accident when you can spend millions treating the injuries afterward?

Naturally, the ambulance will need several crews, a supervisor, a garage, and an administrative office. The hospital will need doctors, nurses, accountants, and a public relations department to announce the success of the cliff-safety program.

Meanwhile, the townspeople will still be asking, “Couldn’t we just build a fence?”

They’ll be told there is no money left. It was spent on the ambulance, the hospital, and the study proving the fence was too expensive.

There is a serious lesson beneath the foolishness. We often wait until people fall before helping them. We treat illness instead of encouraging health. We respond to addiction, homelessness, crime, and family breakdown only after lives have reached the bottom.

An ambulance is mighty important after somebody falls—but a fence at the top might keep them from needing one.

Perhaps the townspeople should pass a hat, buy some lumber, and build the fence themselves.

They’ll probably finish it before the government completes the paperwork for the ambulance.