Covid ‘cures’

by Wanda LaCroix, Missoula

Alternative Covid-19 “cures” have been hyped by a cavalcade of kooks. First it was ingesting bleach, as recommended by the twice impeached Wackadoodle himself, necessitating countless CDC warnings to not drink bleach.

Then along came Ivermectin, a horse de-wormer. But never fear, it’s a “Wonder Drug” approved for human use, cultists enthusiastically exclaim. It’s used to treat parasites, scabies and acne, they fail to add. It is useless against Covid.

The latest craze is “Magic Dirt” (or BOO). It contains lead, arsenic and heavy metals. Smear it all over your body. Make brownies with it for your kids. What could go wrong?

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? These needle-phobic rubes will literally swallow anything! A friend commented to me that it’s too bad they don’t like cow dung because Montanans could be millionaires. She’s right! All we need is a marketing strategy!

Get your Miracle Montana Manure! Made in Montana by genuine Montana cattle! $100 per pie for normal dung (CS), and only $50 more for extra-strength Bull Manure (BS). Pure BS is more potent. Tucker Carlson, The Pillow Guy and Doctor Oz can promote it for us. If people will swallow their BS, they should definitely buy ours!