Ed Sperry Col USAF (ret), Stevensville
I hear those legislature folks in Washington are talking about maybe having to kill all the cows. They say the poor cows are poisoning the air with their cow-gas and its gonna kill us all in about 12 years. Seems some youngster in Washington was running around saying it was so dangerous we only have 12 more years before we all die. They also think the ice is melting and we’re all gonna drown. It’s all ‘cause the cows make lotsa gas and its making our air bad. I gotta admit that cow-gas does smell sorta yucky. Man! What will those professors discover and preach next? I remember about 30 years ago when we were facing a new ice age. I think I recall that they were worried about airplanes and contrails. They sure would have had a heart attack watching the RAF over London in the battle of Briton. That climate changing idea has sure speeded things up.
There’s even a new religion called Climate Change. It’s a faith just like other religions only this new one seems a bit intolerant of un-believers like me. They say we only have 12 years left before the end of us humans. If they are right it sure puts a premium on quick reaction to extend our very existence. Now for an old veteran like me this is a cry to arms. So I’ve been considering what we are being told to do. I’m really worried about some of the plans being encouraged.
I’m 91 years old. I backpacked for half a century. I’m worried about my grandkids. I keep thinking about something said by John Muir who so loved the mountains. He said “when we try to pick out something by itself we find it connected to everything else.” That got me to wondering if cow-gas threatens our very existence; how about them big buffalo like up on the buffalo range? There’s just got to be a lot of gas in them big fellas! That moose leaves a big pile on the trail so I guess we have to include moose-gas too. That seems a shame as those moose made camping much more interesting. If all this is so, then how about sheep, goats, camels? You can see why this gives me some pause. Maybe some gas is better than others. Can’t believe some nut ever really studied this. But if this animal gas is really so bad that we’ve only12 years to act, that means they have to go. That doesn’t sit too well with me. How about you? Let’s give this some more deep analysis like I’m doing.
My old dad taught me to think things thru to try to see the end result. To do no harm by what we said or did. There seems to me to be some real harm in what’s getting gabbed about. Killing cows may be an important part of the 12-year sentence being imposed by this new climate faith; but I like my meat, especially steaks. Leave them cows alone! Those congress people also better remember that the East Indians love cows. They even worship their darned cows! Are we trying to start a religious war? I got no quarrel with those Indian Indians. The ones I have met were nice folks. Let them devotees to Climate Change fight if they want to. Leave me and mine out of it. I don’t want to get shot as a “cow hater”! Come to think of it, things could get even worse. What in the world will we do with all those dead cows and other dead animals?
Obviously the predicted 12-year grace before mankind’s doom requires the rapid demise of nearly countless animals. How in heck are we gonna deal with their poor dead carcasses? Seems like burning is the only hope and that means mucho smoke. Isn’t smoke bad? Forest Service smoke seems to be Ok; but, plain old joe civilian smoke seems to be getting pretty regulated. Maybe our experience with light bulbs will help us resolve this dilemma. Yep, a few years ago light bulbs were also advancing our demise. So we filled them with mercury. Now they’ve got mercury in them and that is a bad thing. No one seems to know yet on how to get rid of a bad one. Maybe I shouldn’t confess to you; but, I put them in a bag and hit it with a hammer. Man! I really am confused. Seems like there can be no progress until the EPA can develop a proven factor of how much our 12 years of life are extended by the longterm impact of an average cow’s lifetime of gas release vs the impact of the smoke from a burning cow carcass. Call it the smoke to fart ratio CS/CF. (Please understand I am using the vulgar word fart in a professional sense. Saying cow-gas may be politically correct, but it’s like calling a spade a geotrope.) We may find out it’s better for the air to leave the poor things alone.
Back to foreign policy impacts. Upon further thought I must express concern dealing with camels. If we destroy all the camels it will tick off a lot of Arabs. Don’t we have enough trouble with them already? Also the Chinese may get upset. They are rebuilding the silk road. Surely they will also get concerned over camels. If that ain’t enough, how about you and me? Aren’t we also connected with the rest of nature? Sooner or later we will be the only source of bad gas left and still the climate will be changing. Guess it will start with outlawing beans. I for one, can’t imagine living a life when I had to eat vegie burgers. Yuck! But I suspect the lifesaving laws will become far greater as time passes and climate keeps changing. Must admit I’m glad I’m not young anymore. Maybe, before we shoot ourselves in the foot, we should shut up and do some real research.
I’d better stop with this possible peek into the future. I didn’t mean to scare any of you folks. However, there sure seems to be a reason for concern or downright fear. I think there’s just gotta be something in the air other than cow farts that’s causing folks to say and do some pretty stupid things. Must be that fella Trump’s fault!
I wrote all this with tongue in cheek, sorta.