By Gretchen Spiess, Stevensville
I have done my best to stay out of the Me Too, the Times Up, and the Kavanaugh debate.
But I now feel compelled to present another side that many have elected to overlook. There is a strong reason why women do not report sexual assault or harassment. It is because we are hardly ever believed. We must decide whether we are willing to have our lives dragged through the mud in order to stop abusive behavior. Like millions of women I have chosen to keep silent. Unfortunately, that means the perpetrators don’t feel their actions are wrong or offensive.
I was in that same position as Dr. Ford. I was lucky and was rescued by five friends that pulled him off of me. Days later, he swore that this never happened. The problem with his recollection was that he was seriously drunk and the event never went into his longterm memory. (For more information on memory and alcohol, please read Dr. Sanjay Gupta’s article on 9/23/18 “How Alcohol Affects Memory.”) This research has been around for a long time.
So, I’m asking you to be considerate of others and don’t condemn unless you were a witness to the event. Don’t get me wrong, there are wonderful gentlemen out there who would never act in an offensive manner. But there are enough who think that we don’t mind if they step over the line. When did these bad actors decide that women don’t mind being groped, French kissed, hugged with a pelvic grind…or worse? Just because we smile and are friendly does not mean we want to have sex. When did this notion take seed in the minds of so many men?
I clearly remember each of the 18 times I have found myself warding off unwanted advances (not only in LA but also in Stevensville). And I’m not alone.
What seems to be missing is the realization of what these altercations do to the women. Recently I have found myself in tears. I’m insulted every time I hear someone say women “mis-remember” or that we are flat-out “liars.” It doesn’t matter when it happened or how many years have passed. We never forget.
Please put yourself in our shoes, and consider how it would be if it should happen to you…or your daughter.