Congratulations

by Daniel Shevlin, Missoula

Let me be the first person to congratulate the Marxists on the apparent victory of Comrade Mamdani for Mayor of NYC! Montana liberals, now is the time for action! Grab the first bus you can find and head to NYC for the lifetime of free everything that you’ve been programmed to believe communism offers! Start hitchhiking to NYC! Start posting ads on Craigslist looking for a (free, of course) ride to the new glorious communist mecca here in America! You surely don’t wish to remain in an oppressive capitalist regime like Montana, do you? Of course not! Your new fabulous life in communism awaits you! Of course you won’t have to work, everything is FREE! You’ll naturally receive free housing forever! Nobody will ever be required to pay for anything again, ever! Rejoice! Let the rest of us help you flee as fast as possible to your new communist mecca, comrades! I’m sure many repressive and racist capitalist pigs will be happy to help you relocate to NYC, comrades! You should not waste another minute! A free life awaits you in clean New York City, where no crime will ever exist again, and nobody will ever be without free housing, free utilities, free video games, free cell phones, or free food for eternity!

As capitalist pigs, we must do our part to help our comrades make it to their promised land of FREE! Please offer your help so these proud soldiers of FREE make it home to communist NYC forever!