Kearns and Sons RS Aesthetics

Jesus v. Trump

How would GOP Evangelicals vote if Jesus ran against Donald Trump in the next primary? Imagine the debate!


JC: I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.


DT: You know what I hate? We’re not allowed to punch back anymore. If somebody hits me, I have to hit them back.


JC: Whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.


DT: There’s nobody bigger or better at the military than I am. I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me.


JC: Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.


DT: I think I am, actually humble. I’m much more humble than you would understand. I have the greatest temperament. I comprehend very well, better than almost anybody. I’m really smart – I went to the Wharton School of Finance. I have a very good brain. If I ran as a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world — it’s true!


JC: I have come that they may have life. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.


DT: Jesus is a very nice person but very low energy. It is better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep.


JC: Whoever wants to be first must be slave of all.  For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.


DT: The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.


JC: You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. A righteous man knows the rights of the poor; a wicked man does not understand such knowledge.


DT: I will do my thing that I do very well. And I figure it is probably, maybe the only way I’m going to get to heaven.


JC: It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. Unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.


DT: Heaven is a real dump. If someone can stay so poor for so many generations, maybe this isn’t the kind of person we want to be electing to higher office. How smart can they be? They’re morons.


JC: Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall see the wrath of God.


DT: Lying Jesus best not make any more threats. They will be met with fire and fury and, frankly, power, the likes of which this world has never seen before.


JC: What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?


DT: For evangelicals, for the Christians, for everybody of religion, this will be, may be, the most important election that our country has ever had.


JC: I am the way the truth and the life. Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


DT: Little Jesus, why can’t we use nuclear weapons?


JC: In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.


This is, of course, outlandish. A libtard like Jesus would never be welcome in the Trumplican party.


Wanda LaCroix

One Response to Jesus v. Trump
  1. Bitterroot atheist
    August 17, 2017 | 2:51 pm

    Very well thought out letter! I especially like the way you used actual quotes from both. Well, at least you quoted what Jesus supposedly said. Since no one who wrote about Jesus as actually alive at the time when he (supposedly) walked the earth, who knows? The Bible could well be our first example of “fake news”. : )

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